Amoeba Recruitment Project



Lost Journal Entry 1/12 - Amoeba Recruitment Project

800 million years ago I came to consciousness in a vast, amorphous world. I was sitting at my Zapadapt Control Panel at the bottom of the ocean explaining climate change to amoebas. I think am a Zap Agent, which is a ZapTek Climate Change Engineer and, in my case, Class 1, the lowest rank, with the most advanced rank being Class 12. I have a vague memory of arriving on the planet with my Mothership, but it's just flashes of disconnected images that I am trying to piece together. There was a journal that was lost, along with some cargo.


Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 1

[{(&:^-0(~ control panel data stream (cpds). severe turbulence on earth entry. essential equipment lost. smartship hailed, responded. mission proceeding. agent unaware of transmission (aut) (&:^-D)~}]

I remember finding an Artpod on the Mothership and I used it to descend to the planet to scoop up the lost cargo but I couldn't recover the journal. That was truly unfortunate because I really needed it. I started a new one in hopes of remembering what was in the old one and to continue to record my activities.

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 2

[{(&:^-0)~ control panel data stream (cpds). equipment recovered. agent journal lost. loss of memory expected. smartship photobeam operational. mission proceeding. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

Then, I descended further into the depths of the ocean, and took a moment to locate myself in Earth's geological timeline and geography. With my reference point as the Holocene Epoch, roughly about 2022 C.E. during the Oil Madness of the Meghalayan Age, I am currently located 800 million years before that time and about middle the Panthalassan Ocean or what eventually becomes the Pacific Ocean.

Geological Timeline

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 3

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. agent activates mindportal to precambrian, proterozoic eon, neoproterozoic era, tonian period. location, panthalassan ocean. latitude:S 14 5' 38.2458" longitude:W 132 11' 15". equipment intact. smartship photo complex functional. operation established. agent unaware of transmission (aut). (&:^-D)~}]

As a ZapTek Climate Change Engineer, Class 1, I am prepared to begin my perceived project. I think it is my job to make sure plenty of amoebas become trilobites, a marine arthropod destined to rule planet Earth oceans as a basic food source for 300 million years, if you can call that ruling. And if amoebas will get on board with the program, which is where I come into it. I think. I'm not sure because I lost my journal that tells me what my purpose is and where I came from. I am quite the expert in planet Earth history but I know very little about myself, so I am thinking about that as I begin my work.

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 4

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. agent initiates climate change seminar event for creatures; amoeba. equipment functioning properly. mission proceeding. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

In this Prefishtoric World, with the promise of future fishes appearing as ominous shadows of what may come, amoebas' status on the planet is undeniable. They have ruled for millions of years as microscopic, watery blobs and are set in their blobby ways. Oh, they'll show up at the Climate Change Seminar just to get the free bacteria snacks but they ignore my warnings of the dangers to them of climate change.

Amoeba Recruitment Project

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 5

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. operation proceeding. agent issues climate change warning to creatures; amoeba. smartship data mapping operational. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

We can't evolve life on planet Earth if amoebas won't adapt. They are our first building blocks in creature evolution, the ones on the ground level of the immense and miraculous construction of life that is to follow. So, it is on the ground level I find myself working to ensure those blocks are properly in place.

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 6

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. agent acquires earth geological history timeline perspective. agent sights the smartship; result: assumes birth/mission origin of constellation argo. equipment functioning properly. mission proceeding. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

I arrived with a lot of equipment I might need in the hull of that Smartship moored over there that may have been how I got here. It's shaped like the Constellation Argo, so maybe I came from there. It is loaded with a variety of wire mesh. I saw four different sizes: Extremely Small Super Tiny Wire Mesh, Teeny Tiny Wire Mesh, Incredi-Tiny Wire Mesh, and Youwouldn'tbelievehowtiny Wire Mesh. I can download them and use them for establishing perimeters, I suppose. I'm not sure entrapment is the ideal path to take but it could be useful for that, as well.

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 7

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. agent finds control panel function, communication to smartship, instructs same to proceed with equipment inventory report. agent locates digitial zap binding contract in control panel aether drive. equipment functioning properly. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

Amoebas need to understand they must become trilobites in order to gain the armor they need to survive the coming climate change. Formation of planetary land masses is going to make the climate insufferable (try explaining that to an amoeba) so the extra protection of the trilobite exoskeleton will keep them safe.

To participate in the program they need to sign up during the recruitment period and accept the terms of the "Form-Up" Zap Binding Contract. If they do I can promise their species an uninterrupted 300 million year run as a marine arthropod. Upon signing the contract, 260 million years will fly by and the next thing they know they will find themselves paddling around as trilobites in the Funhouse Ocean to begin their blissful 300 million year extension, including warranty.

I may have embellished the outcome a bit, especially the part about the ocean and the bliss, and I failed to mention the contract would not extend the length of their own personal lives, but I needed them to sign up. It's hard to get a creature to take an action that benefits the species over a span of generations rather than benefits the individual in their own lifetime.

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 8

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. agent anticipates mission failure, incurs false embellishment infraction, incurs fraudulent warranty infraction, contemplates forced transform of creatures; amoeba. equipment functioning properly. mission proceeding. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

In the final effort, and my one big chance to influence amoebas to become trilobites, I conducted this seminar to help them understand exactly their situation. I tried to sell it to them by telling them they can get in on the ground floor of the most phenomenal evolutionary opportunity in the entire history of planet Earth, called the Cambrian Explosion.

I hyped it by telling them that even in the 800 million years of Earth history to follow, there will be nothing like it. I said to them that they are fortunate, indeed blessed, to have the rare privilege to opt to live during the Fortunian Age of the Terreneuvian Epoch of the Cambrian Period of the Paleozoic Era of the Phanerozoic Eon. Then, after I have completed their forced transform to trilobites, which I certainly did not mention to them, I will be able to scoop them up with my Fold-Out Trilobite Trawler, should I need any of their body parts for later use. But I just couldn't resist taking it for a spin right now!

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 9

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. agent locates fold-out trilobite trawler in control panel equipment miniaturization compartment, tests functionality. agent miscontrues intended use of creature relocation equipment to be instead intended for vivisection purposes. equipment functioning properly. mission proceeding. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

When it comes to species evolution I prefer to take the positive approach rather than the negative, but in the case of amoebas I thought a threat to their lives might be more effective than an appeal to their aspirations. So, as an added incentive, I reminded them of the dangers to them of missing out on the chance of getting better armor during the upcoming climate change, and that without it they may be doomed to extinction. I'm not sure they understand the concept of extinction and I may have pushed that point a bit much but I needed their cooperation.

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 10

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. agent anticipates mission failure, incurs telling whoppers infraction. equipment functioning properly. mission proceeding. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

If any creature on the planet is immortal, in terms of longevity of species, it's an amoeba so I may have told a whopper when I told them they would become extinct without the armor. But some of them have to get with the program and "Form-Up" - take on a new, more complex form. This is how evolution works. I explained it personally to George, an amoeba who showed up at the seminar to have a bacteria snack while I, unbeknownst to him, tested my Amoeba Lure Entrapment. It worked! Of course it did, it's Zapadapt!

Snack Shack and Amoeba George

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 11

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. agent advances mission to creature involvement stage 2, incurs creature entrapment infraction. smartship photomicrography lens operational. smartship internal aether drive operational. mission proceeding. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

He didn't seem to care but he was all about eating a fresh bacteria snack in the Zapadapt Snack Shack. As I explained to George, the new form doesn't come with an owner's manual; you just come to consciousness sitting inside it and little by little learn how to work the controls. True, it might seem a bit constrictive after wearing one that blobs out in any direction you want it to go, but you can get used to the new form if you try.

My first attempt at the Snack Shack was not very successful, in the sense of capturing amoebas after they overeat and move slow. It was simple enough to lure the amoebas in with fresh bacteria snacks but another matter to capture them. I think this was when I realized the Extremely Small Super Tiny Wire Mesh I found on the Smartship Argo could be expanded to cover the entire area around the Snack Shack.

Before I installed the net I relocated the Snack Shack directly over a vast field of ocean flora, where I had noticed amoebas congregating. That move to a new location and the wire mesh, along with clever advertising, accomplished my objectives! I sequestered zillions of amoebas, I am excited to say.

As a selling point to becoming trilobite, a creature with an exoskeleton that serves as armor, I remind George and all the other sequestered amoebas that the skeleton is actually on the outside instead of the inside, so they'll still be blobby on the inside. (That was another whopper.) I try to connect with the curious ones who give these things some thought, those that know a climate change is gonna come, but there aren't enough of those. They're mostly like George, looking for a bacteria freebie at the Snack Shack.

Explain and embellish though I might, George and the rest of these amoebas wouldn't see my point and didn't want to make any changes. I think if the climate crisis happened faster they would be more responsive. It's a hard sell to get them to make changes for something that will occur 200 million years from now. But if one of them suddenly sprouted teeth they would respond in a flash.

Under these circumstances I did what any competent Zap Agent would do. I reviewed the Smartship Inventory Report and selected the equipment I needed and downloaded it. Impressively, the Smartship seemed somehow to know exactly the equipment I might need and made the selection immediately available to me.

Smartship Inventory Report

Many of the amoebas, well, most of them, didn't want to go into the Zapadapt at all but it was for a good cause, on account of the current climate situation and because of their armor needs, for shielding. They went in as amoeba and came out as trilobite. I don't think it hurt them but it couldn't have been much fun. With any luck they won't be angry with me.

I'm only sorry I couldn't shove their entire species through the Zapadapt, but that would have eliminated all the amoebas on the planet and made a climate crisis out of me. The idea that a species could compete with a planet in the climate change category, causing mass extinction, is truly scary and one I would not like to see explored creatively. However, I think a time may come when that will be exactly what we are faced with as Zap Agents.

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 12

[{(&:^-0)~ cpds. agent activates creature transform operation. agent incurs forced transform infraction. agent advances mission to creature evolvement stage 3. mission proceeding. aut. (&:^-D)~}]

This Three-Phase Transform operation required I build a Zapadapt Ocean Floor Raised Platform for the Zapadapt Control Panel with Journal Attachment, an Electric Geneticizer Generator, dedicated Three-Spectrum Portal with Extrudomatic Pipe Attachments, and Water Turbine Power Amplifiers.

Phase two involved my own innovation, a telekinetic instruction to the Geneticizer Generator to release a specific amount of static electric energy that would release the power necessary to balance the energy across the Contained Creation Field. I have to admit I am rather proud of that. It produced astonishing lightining bolts. I hope Home Office will take notice of it.

Amoeba Zapadapt Platform, Cambrian Period

Additionally, and almost as an afterthought, I added Amoeba Attractors to the base of the Raised Platform to lessen my workload in terms of rounding up transform candidates. As to the substance I used to produce the attraction effect, well, I consider that to be proprietary in nature. Let's just say it's my own secret formula.

The third phase of this massive operation expanded to Amoeba to Trilobite Transform and Relocation, with a sign pointing to the Whirlwater Space-Time Portal leading to the Funhouse Ocean.

I was gratified to see how many trilobites were eager to travel through the Whirlwater portal to the Funhouse Ocean. They were lining up to get in, and I think that says a lot about my persuasion abilities. Or either they were just trying to get away from me. Not sure. I didn't have to install the Zap Works signs, but I wanted to brag a little bit. Zapadapt gets the job done!

Artificial Intelligence Reports - Exhibit 13

[{(&:^-0)~ control panel data stream (cpds). agent completes creature transform operation; amoeba. agent terminates recruitment project. mission proceeding. agent unaware of transmission (aut). (&:^-D)~}]

Now that's what I call engineering success! I think the sheer size and complexity of this three-phase operation, combined with the professional use of major transformer equipment, would certainly qualify me for Class 2 Engineer.

I am recording my activities as a Zap Agent in my new journal in hopes it will come in handy should Home Office need to review my accomplishments for career advancement purposes.

Waiting to hear from them about my efforts in the transformation of amoebas to trilobites and hopefully something about my erratic schedule.

Om, Class 1 ZapTek Climate Change Engineer


Amoeba Recruitment Project | Humanoid Recycling Project | Trilobite Clinic Platform | Trilobite Repair Platform | Future Bug | Do What Thou Wilt | Jellyfish Transducer | Trilobite Workshop | Time Off | Extinction | Fishing Vacation | Nada


Part 1 - The Trilobite Tragedy | Part 2 - Maybe Nada | Part 3 - The Whorl | Part 4 - Toadsaga | Part 5 - The Great Dying | Part 6 - Here Be Dragons


ART, NARRATIVE, AND WEB DESIGN BY CLAIRE GRACE WATSON, M.S.T., Copyright Notice - Zapadapt - Down In the Crazy - Disk Of The World - Oil Madness - Transcension - Text and images copyrighted March 21, 1993-2022, Claire Grace Watson, B.A., M.S.T., U.S. Copyright and under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act of 1998, All rights reserved. No part of this web page may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review.